i hate to look into those eyes & see an ounce of pain...

in honor of jason konnor's 5th birthday i thought i would share my labor story (minus the gory details, haha) with you all!

it all started on fri, febuary 6th. all day my back was absolutely killing me. now i had back pain throughout my whole pregnancy. my aunt cheryl told me this happened with my cousin, machelle. when she was in labor with morghann kait (my namesake!) her back pain was awful. this was in the back of my mind all day long. the pain kept up throughout the day. i was hanging out with jay's mother while he was at work & i mentioned how i kept getting pains every half hour. jay's mother acting like she knows all as usual tells me it's nothing, i'm fine, i haven't even dropped yet. i know my own body thank you very much. it's snowing like a mofo outside when jay gets home from work. he starts telling me how his windshield wiper broke & has to replace it. i thought nothing of this. haha. i got no sleep that night. i was tossing & turning, completely uncomfortable. around 7 am the next morning i wake jay up. i tell him i'm pretty sure the baby is coming today. he laughs it off thinking i'm just paranoid. once he realizes i am serious he starts freaking out about his windshield wiper & rushes out in the snow to go replace it. i take a shower & shave my legs! yes, i shaved! haha. i even did my hair & make up cause that's how i roll. jay's mother is still thinking i'm fine. while jay's stepfather on the other hand is freaking out because we had to drive from spencer to boston (i refused to switch my doctor when we moved down there. she delivered haileigh & has been my doctor since i was 16. she's an amazing woman!). he tells me even if i am fine we should drive down to my aunt's house & stay there. i eat some eggs with all of them in complete agony. i decide to call my doctor & tell her my water hasn't broke yet & all the good stuff. i hang up the phone with her, stand up, & boom my water breaks. jay & his mother are just staring at me. i was like "DO YOU BELIEVE ME NOW?!" haha. sure enough they did. we take the trip into boston going through side streets which means bumpy roads! no fun whatsoever. i had to sit halfway off the seat! we get there & they exam me. my water didn't fully break & my contractions were not that strong to be in labor. they tell me to walk around the hospital. ok? that was the most uncomfortable walk i have to say. i decide to go back to my exam room. they tell me they are going to give me pitocin to speed up the contractions. ok, sounds good. haha, man was that painful. i could not sit still. i was whipping all over that bed. everyone's telling me stay still it will pass. shut up! you're not laying in this bed! i am! they had so many issues tracking my contractions. the machine did not want to read them. the nurses had their work cut out with me, lol. they give me the epidural. all was good after that. a few hours pass & i was still feeling the contractions like a mofo. they tell me they can give me more, so they did. another 2 hours pass & i still feel the contractions. my doc tells me that i have what they call a "window" which means the medicine is not hitting one stop. the only thing they can do is take out the needle & put it in again. crazy me agrees to this. the whole time the doc is putting the needle he is talking about my tattoo. i am sitting there like give me the fucking drugs or i will do it myself!! after that shot i felt nothing. cheryl, jyll, & carrie came to see me shortly after that. i was all kinds of doped up. lol. they all left, but jyll said she will come back with tacos for jay. i start feeling really weird. i mean weird. i told the nurse & she ran out of the room grabbed my doc. next thing i know tables are being ripped down & everyone is flying around the room. i was like holy shit, what is going on. the doc tells the baby is coming & he is coming now. i was like oh! ok! it wasn't even 5 minutes of pushing when they tell me his heart beat was dropping. i start crying & they are trying to calm me down. they had to use a "vacuum" on his head to get him out. as soon as he came out they ran away with him to the otherside of the room. i'm crying even more now & jay is just freaked out. the nurse came over to me & told me he is fine. i have a healthy baby boy & they just need to check his heart. when i was finally able to hold him i just remember tears streaming down my face & the tiny little noises he made. everyone else in the room just faded away. it was just me & my baby boy, finally. i waited 9 long months to see him & it was all worth it. at 12:26 am febuary 8th, 2008 my little man was brought into this world. 6 pds 13 ounces & 19 inches of pure bliss.



happy 5th birthday, jason konnor! i absolutely love you & cherish every breath you take. i could never imagine my world without you. you are the reason for my strength & will to face this world everyday. here's to your birthday & many many many more!! mommy loves you!!

you say i'm crazy, i got your crazy...

i need more work hours. ugh. payroll has sucked at work, so hours are limited. it's starting to get on my nerves.

i am exicted for jason's kung fu panda bowling party!! he will love it. he is so obsessed with kung fu panda...it's a little scary. haha. his teacher told me he talks about kung fu panda all the time during circle time. i was like oh, i can only imagine. he walks around "kung fuing" everything. kid is crazy. haha, wonder where he gets that from?

i am working all weekend...my weekend to myself. when i agreed to working every other sat i told them i at least wanted the fri off. it's my weekend to myself, i have the right to do my thing. lol. i haven't had a fri off in over 2 months. haha, here i am complaining about not enough hours only to complain about working every fri. you get me, right? oh well. if all goes as planned i will get some enjoyment out of it. at least the superbowl is on sun. we are having a few ppl over.

i'm feeling much better about things. getting over the shit i had to deal with. my body is back to normal...hooray!! a new/old friend is also making me feel better about things. thank you ;)

that's all for now. enjoy your weekends!!

makes me crinkle my nose...

i missed you fellow bloggers! i went to restart my comp about 2 weeks ago & the screen to put the password in wouldn't come up! it's still down, but i am on ryan's laptop :) then we lost our internet. that sucked. haha. i will try to recap the past 19 days...well not everyday...

jason was finally taken off the waiting list for school! he started pre-k. he goes for a few hours in the morning. he absolutely loves it. he even got to sing a christmas song on stage! for only being there 3 days he rocked! he yelled yay! at the end. the audience loved it. i was so proud of my little man. i had tears!! he even made me a christmas present. it was a frame made out of popsicle sticks with a pic of santa & him. adorable. i am so happy he loves school!

that boy has come up a few times over the past 2 weeks. he came up wed & spent the night. mel invited us over for a oh so delicious meal, lasaqne. it rocked. we smoked hooka, played games, & drank lots of wine. came home & crashed. he went home thurs night & i went to work. yay.

huge storm hit fri-sun. i was scheduled to work that fri night. i was told we were going to close early...but they didn't. i called in. i walk to work, fuck that shit. they were mad, but ended up closing at 8. oh well. that boy came up again to spend the weekend with me. it was nice. we shoveled. haha. ryan had the brilliant idea to go sledding down our hill. that was a bust. worked the next night. it was dead. kim was the closing mgr, so it was all good. did some christmas shopping with mel & that boy. got the vmotion! haha, that was a mission. we went to toysrus for that. sign said $70, but paid $60. i wanted to get it at walmart seeing how it was only $50. ryan told me she didn't see it there, so i just grabbed it at toysus. went to kmart after that then to wal mart. where we found the vmotion for $50!! it was in a random aisle in a big display case. mel bought it & then later returned the other one to toysrus. worked out well! snowed even more the next day. walked to white hen with that boy. haha, that was an interesting walk in all that snow. drank some beers thanks to matt matt. that boy went home the next day & i went to work. joy. thank god the holidays are over. only thing that sucks is how bad my hours drop. argh.

gee came over christmas eve & dressed up as santa to give the kids there christmas eve jammies. it was awesome! christmas was nice. even with some assholes buying jason the vmotion AND the kung fu panda game knowing this is what i planned on getting him. i have been talking about it for 2 months. they gave it to him on christmas eve when they saw him. when jason's father brought him back to me & i told me i was ready to start throwing pans...fuck dishes. i was rip shit. they took away something i wanted so bad. next year fuck the christmas eve shit. jason can see his dad christmas night or the day after. i am not going through this again. i was absolutely heart broken. when jason opened the one from me, he was still happy. he def would have been more thrilled if he didn't open the same thing the night before. assholes. however, he was super excited over the drum set, bowling pin set, & geotrax airplane. it was a relaxing christmas. very much enjoyable. gee, kim, & mel came over in the afternoon. baby jim came by later on in the day. had a delicious meal!! we run around like crazy ppl on thanksgiving, so this was a very nice change of pace.

worked the day after christmas. i have a week off. i have been doing nada. lol. went out for indian food last night with mel, jason, & her brother. it was, uh, interesting food. very spicey. it was good to get out that. i had a rough day for some reason. my father has been driving me nuts. bitching about everything & anything. stress. miss jennie la came over for a few hours today! that was cool. talked & chilled. i love having that girl back in my life!! i missed her!!

these mem'ries lose their meaning...

there are places I remember all my life,

though some have changed
some forever, not for better

some have gone and some remain.
all these places have their moments of lovers and friends i still can recall

some are dead and some are living

in my life i loved them all.

and with all these friends and lovers

there is no one compares with you

and these mem'ries lose their meaning

when i think of love as something new

and i know i'll never lose affection

for people and things that went before

i know i'll often stop and think about them.

in my life i loved you more.

and i know i'll never lose affection

for people and things that went before

i know i'll often stop and think about them.

in my life i loved you more

in my life I loved you more.

stealing ideas from kolleen & jenn...

people i love.

they say it's your birthday...

my birthday absolutely rocked. thanks to mel, ryan, jason, hai, cheryl, carrie, kassi, jenn, miza, & karlie. you guys are amazing & thank you sooo much for spending my birthday with me!!

recap of my birthday weekend...friday night i got out of work at 10. went to the fireside with mel. we had a BLAST. it was so packed & made some new friends (very skeptical at first due to our incident at the gateway). mel bought one round & then the rest of the drinks were on our "uncle" shawns tab. haha. we met him at the bar when we bought our first round. after that all the drinks were either giving to me for free cause i had to share with the whole bar that it was my birthday or thrown on shawns tab. haha. i had so many random ppl coming up to me wishing me a happy birthday. i met this kid, andy, and he bought me a drink. the bartender, mikey, gave me 2 beers in honor of my birthday. some dude in the army started running his mouth. no idea why? he sucks. "uncle" shawn told us no baby making, so we did several cheers to that. we did a red headed slut shot...also in my honor. haha, that was great. the midnight shot was chocolate cake. weird shot. we closed the bar & left the bar singing thrash unreal with all the windows in mel's jeep. came back to my house with josh to smoke some hooka. passed out after that.

the next morning i was up at 830 (running on about 4 hours of sleep). hai's school was doing a breakfast with santa & book fair. dealing with crazy kids while still somewhat drunk & exhausted is no fun. jason & hai made ornaments & got new books. when that was all over we took jason back to jay's house. then we went to see twilight. i was disappointed, but i knew i was going to be. i am a huge fan of the books, so i still had to see it. ryan was whispering the lines in my ear & had me cracking up. i'm sure we annoyed a few ppl. after the movie we went on a horse ride. haha. that was entertaining. we took hai back home & headed down to everett. did not get my tattoo. let's just say he sucks at life. we decided to pop in on miza & surprise her. hung out at her place for awhile. i think we may have scared her friends. we were out of control & laughing wayyy too much. lol. we are entertaining girls. after visiting miza we headed over to cheryl's where everyone was meeting up to go to bisuteki. got to bisuteki just after 7 & sat at the bar til our table was ready. we had a frigging blast there. our cook was a riot. he was cracking dirty jokes left & right. we were the highlight of that restaurants night. we were putting on shows singing & clapping for every little reason. we had to switch tables because the grill broke. the table next to us was getting a kick out of us. they started singing with us at one point. one of the ladies actually pushed her chair over to us cuz she thought we were hilarious. lol. even their cook kept talking to us instead of his table. i had our cook dancing when me & kassi started singing whatever you like. jenn brought a cake for me & had everyone sing happy birthday to me. i was embarrassed. haha. carrie was like you can sit here & sing to the whole restaurant, but you get embarrassed when we put you on the spot? i was like dude, idk. two other ppl also had happy birthday sung to them. i was the only one who had the WHOLE restaurant sing to them :) it was fabulous. kassi was getting checked out by an 80 year old man when she was shaking her boobs. hahahaha. she almost died when she saw him. the look on his face was priceless. the lady who pushed her chair to us was actually asking us what we were doing after dinner...she wanted to go out drinking with us! poor jenn, i think we embarrassed her at her work place. lol. at one point screamed fuck you to a guy she works with & the whole place heard her. i was like SHE WORKS HERE! her face turned so red. we put on a show & caused a scene...what we do best. it was sooo much fun & the food was amazing. after that we all headed over to cheryl's for more drinks. miza & karlie came over to party with us. it was a longgg veryyy fun night. we left cheryl's around 5 in the morning. i woke up today with absolutely no voice. i am so tired, but it was all very much worth it. this birthday was def want i was hoping for. you guys all rock!! i love you!!

jenn, i LOVE the wine glasses you got me :) i can not wait to use them! you are amazing & i love you!!

now i must get through a whole week of nothing but work, work, & more work.

next up, christmas!!