who's gonna catch me when i fall?

it's been forever since i've posted! this will be short & sweet. i will have a better post on thurs.

this year has been rough for me already. surprise, surprise. luckily have some kick ass friends in my life...mel & jen :). they always can make me smile & remimd me of the finer things in life. i had to make a touch decision recently. while i do know in the end i know i made the right choice, it still hurts. not something i ever wanted to go through, but it is what it is. i worry about how i can walk away from things & not look back & have no regrets. should i regret? i don't think i should, but sometimes i feel like some things should be regretted. i don't know. i go through so many ups & even more downs. i always come out swinging, but how much more can i possibly take? when will i crash & burn? i am just a girl. i feel pain, but i smile. i hurt, but i smile. i ache, but smile. i guess everything does happen for a reason. makes you a stronger person & all that jazz. *shrugs*

ran into an old friend of gee's the other day, johnny. he's a friend of mine as well. he's always been sort of like a brother to me. we hung just about all weekend. good times were had.

i rambled. sorry. haha. more on thurs!!

makes me crinkle my nose...

i missed you fellow bloggers! i went to restart my comp about 2 weeks ago & the screen to put the password in wouldn't come up! it's still down, but i am on ryan's laptop :) then we lost our internet. that sucked. haha. i will try to recap the past 19 days...well not everyday...

jason was finally taken off the waiting list for school! he started pre-k. he goes for a few hours in the morning. he absolutely loves it. he even got to sing a christmas song on stage! for only being there 3 days he rocked! he yelled yay! at the end. the audience loved it. i was so proud of my little man. i had tears!! he even made me a christmas present. it was a frame made out of popsicle sticks with a pic of santa & him. adorable. i am so happy he loves school!

that boy has come up a few times over the past 2 weeks. he came up wed & spent the night. mel invited us over for a oh so delicious meal, lasaqne. it rocked. we smoked hooka, played games, & drank lots of wine. came home & crashed. he went home thurs night & i went to work. yay.

huge storm hit fri-sun. i was scheduled to work that fri night. i was told we were going to close early...but they didn't. i called in. i walk to work, fuck that shit. they were mad, but ended up closing at 8. oh well. that boy came up again to spend the weekend with me. it was nice. we shoveled. haha. ryan had the brilliant idea to go sledding down our hill. that was a bust. worked the next night. it was dead. kim was the closing mgr, so it was all good. did some christmas shopping with mel & that boy. got the vmotion! haha, that was a mission. we went to toysrus for that. sign said $70, but paid $60. i wanted to get it at walmart seeing how it was only $50. ryan told me she didn't see it there, so i just grabbed it at toysus. went to kmart after that then to wal mart. where we found the vmotion for $50!! it was in a random aisle in a big display case. mel bought it & then later returned the other one to toysrus. worked out well! snowed even more the next day. walked to white hen with that boy. haha, that was an interesting walk in all that snow. drank some beers thanks to matt matt. that boy went home the next day & i went to work. joy. thank god the holidays are over. only thing that sucks is how bad my hours drop. argh.

gee came over christmas eve & dressed up as santa to give the kids there christmas eve jammies. it was awesome! christmas was nice. even with some assholes buying jason the vmotion AND the kung fu panda game knowing this is what i planned on getting him. i have been talking about it for 2 months. they gave it to him on christmas eve when they saw him. when jason's father brought him back to me & i told me i was ready to start throwing pans...fuck dishes. i was rip shit. they took away something i wanted so bad. next year fuck the christmas eve shit. jason can see his dad christmas night or the day after. i am not going through this again. i was absolutely heart broken. when jason opened the one from me, he was still happy. he def would have been more thrilled if he didn't open the same thing the night before. assholes. however, he was super excited over the drum set, bowling pin set, & geotrax airplane. it was a relaxing christmas. very much enjoyable. gee, kim, & mel came over in the afternoon. baby jim came by later on in the day. had a delicious meal!! we run around like crazy ppl on thanksgiving, so this was a very nice change of pace.

worked the day after christmas. i have a week off. i have been doing nada. lol. went out for indian food last night with mel, jason, & her brother. it was, uh, interesting food. very spicey. it was good to get out that. i had a rough day for some reason. my father has been driving me nuts. bitching about everything & anything. stress. miss jennie la came over for a few hours today! that was cool. talked & chilled. i love having that girl back in my life!! i missed her!!

these mem'ries lose their meaning...

there are places I remember all my life,

though some have changed
some forever, not for better

some have gone and some remain.
all these places have their moments of lovers and friends i still can recall

some are dead and some are living

in my life i loved them all.

and with all these friends and lovers

there is no one compares with you

and these mem'ries lose their meaning

when i think of love as something new

and i know i'll never lose affection

for people and things that went before

i know i'll often stop and think about them.

in my life i loved you more.

and i know i'll never lose affection

for people and things that went before

i know i'll often stop and think about them.

in my life i loved you more

in my life I loved you more.

stealing ideas from kolleen & jenn...

people i love.

should've known better, i should have known, should have known...

you know what i hate? when ppl preach about how they love honesty & respect the truth. then they lie. wtf is that? i mean we all lie in one way or another. don't preach about how honest you are when you in fact lie. man. pisses me off. this has to do with my last post. in seems as tho he did choose his friendship with the ex. now i wasn't told this by him. i just know because, well, i'm not an idiot. she left him a comment saying ps thank you :]. then he talks to me about being friends & yadda yadda yadda. fine, cool with me. no big deal. i left a comment saying lol. hahaha, i'm a bitch. then she leaves (this is so high school, i know) a comment with a graphic saying "those comments suck" with an arrow pointing down to mine & above. i deleted my comment, so now it's actually pointing to her comments. anyway, if he wants her friendship over our relationship then be a fucking man & say that. don't be a coward & cry to me (literally) about how you can't see your daughter, need a job, & want to hold off on going back to school because you wanna work first. just say I WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH HER. i think a relationship is the last thing he needs anyway. i honestly don't need all that baggage he has. i have enough of my own to leave at a guys doorstep. i so did not want to make this post about a guy. look i did. just angers me is all. dirt off your shoulder.

other than that...work is killing me. we started staying open til 10 right after halloween. everyone is already wiped out from the holiday shoppers. we were wiped out before thanksgiving!! it's wearing me out. it also doesn't help that they only schedule 3 ppl, yes 3, to close at night. we are a big store...one of the biggest in the area. we certainly need more than 3 ppl a night to close. sucks even more when the 1 person on register is in training. do they think when they make the schedule? this shit has been going on for weeks. its always me & the manager working the floor & being back up on register. customers at our store suck beyond belief. oh, i just dropped something...let me leave it there even tho i am watching this poor girl run around like a maniac cleaning the floor. FUCK YOU. the toy department (one of my main departments) is always destroyed. why? because mother of the year decides to let her children play with everything while she ignores them & shops on the other side of the store. ugh. disgusts me. i am so tired of having to repeat myself over the intercom..."attention dollar tree shoppers, there are several children running around the toy department UNSUPERVISED. we ask you to PLEASE keep your children with you at ALL times. we are NOT responsible for them and you WILL be asked to pay for any damages!" i do love making the announcement tho. haha, just so i can be a bitch. everyone gets a kick out of it. i can't wait til we go back to reg closing time. i am on the schedule mon-fri next week. this should be a interesting week. can't wait!

this is all for tonight fellow bloggers. one more day til i am 24! i have a date with mel tomorrow night at the fireside. fireside is a birthday tradition for me. haha. gee usually goes, but he has to work :( i miss my brother.